“Apologize, not allowed.”
It’s an old saying that can be a bit controversial, but more importantly, neither will get you what you want. Plus this saying naturally means that people are going to be upset, and you have to deal with it. Not so funny.
in the game of entrepreneurship and personal developmentIt is important that you know the key things that will help you grow and that will hinder your growth. Give your power to someone else—he’s not going to cut it. Neither will subconsciously think that people (especially your inner circle) will be mad at you for making the right decisions for themselves.
subtle but important
Growing up, we ask our parents, our teachers, and the other adult figures in our lives for all kinds of permission—to go to the zoo, cross the street, even go to the bathroom. In the United States, we are not allowed to regulate our own bodies until we go to college in most educational settings. But that mindset doesn’t go away just because you turn 18, get a job, or enroll in college.
The truth is that we ask for permission all day long, undermining our rights, values and voices. So it is because we will subconsciously ask for permission as we grow our business or make major life decisions.
The subconscious believes that we can move forward with less resistance and more support if allowed. The downside is twofold. When you ask for permission, you’re not respecting what’s right and what’s true for you. Yes, the interest is good and it’s really fun to see the people you love get excited about your idea. But being able to validate your own thoughts and decisions first is the key to developing your circle of support and owning your innate value.
“Your support network is the solid foundation from which you can propel yourself upwards.” — Anna Barnes
what to do instead
Instead of asking for permission or apology, we ask for support, We all want to be supported, especially if our thoughts are big, difficult or out of reach. In order to get the support you want, you have to be intentional and explicit about it.
This means what we’re going to do and the decisions we’ve made, “If you want to support me in this, I’d love it because I need as much support as possible,” mixed with an attitude of, “If If you want to support me in this, that’s great. Thank You! But even if you don’t, it doesn’t matter.”
Freeing people from needing to help you is important for two reasons. The first is to practice being really okay with not supporting others, you free people from this sense of obligation to be okay with whatever you do. The second is that you are deciding what you are going to do long before you ask for support.
Their decision about whether or not to support your view is not going to change Yours decision to do or not to do.
counselor vs support
Getting advice and asking for support are two different things, and you need to know what you’re looking for. If you’re seeking counseling, you haven’t made a decision yet, and you should only talk to someone who you think can help you make the right decision for yourself (not it for you). It’s important to find someone who has the attitude and ability to ask the right questions to come to the right conclusions for you. Once you have made your decision, you are seeking support.
If you are seeking support, you need to consciously seek support for the decision you have made. Statements like, “Hey! I’ve decided to do something, and I’d love your support on this. If you don’t feel like you can support me on this, that’s fine.” even better if you can ask them Specific help. Once you have obtained the other person’s consent, you are able to proceed with the conversation.
However, if the other person is unwilling to support you, let them go. Since you are not making your decisions based on the support of others, you can set boundaries for your communication—protecting yourself and respecting their choices. Once someone has made it clear that they are not comfortable supporting you, don’t waste energy trying to convince them. Instead, take pleasure in the people who are excited to support you and move forward with confidence knowing that you have a group of people who have your back.