Loneliness: A Matter of Choice: How Our Choices Make Us Lonely: In an age where we are more “connected” than ever—where a single tap can deliver a message across continents in seconds—it’s unsettling to realise how many people still feel deeply alone. According to recent studies, nearly one in three adults worldwide admits to struggling with loneliness. It’s no longer just a fleeting emotion; it’s fast becoming a public health concern. This is the central theme that Pingolika Borkataki addresses in her thought-provoking book, Loneliness: A Matter of Choice: How Our Choices Make Us Lonely.
Borkataki doesn’t treat loneliness as a passing phase or a modern inconvenience. Instead, she invites readers to face the uncomfortable truth: much of our loneliness stems from the conscious and unconscious choices we make. And while circumstances often play a role, the book suggests that intentional decisions—both at a personal and societal level—can either deepen our isolation or help us reclaim authentic connection.
More Than a Technology Problem
One of the book’s most compelling aspects is its refusal to oversimplify the causes of loneliness. While it acknowledges the role of technology in replacing face-to-face interaction with screen time, it avoids placing the entire blame on smartphones and social media. Borkataki argues that technology is merely a tool—its impact depends on how we choose to use it.
This shift in perspective is refreshing. Rather than framing loneliness as an unavoidable side effect of the digital age, Loneliness: A Matter of Choice positions it as a complex, layered phenomenon shaped by our habits, priorities, and willingness to engage meaningfully with the people around us.
A Mirror to Our Daily Lives
The narrative doesn’t feel distant or academic; it feels like a mirror. Readers are likely to recognise themselves in the subtle ways the author describes modern isolation. Skipping a friend’s call because “you’re too tired,” avoiding deep conversations to keep things light, or prioritising online interactions over in-person ones—these choices accumulate over time, leading to a quiet but powerful sense of disconnection.
Borkataki’s writing is empathetic without being indulgent. She doesn’t shame the reader for these choices but instead offers a gentle nudge towards awareness. The core message is simple but profound: loneliness may not always be avoidable, but it can be reduced by the way we choose to live.
Loneliness as a Societal Issue
Another strength of the book is its recognition that loneliness is not just a personal battle—it’s a societal concern. The author explores how modern work culture, urban lifestyles, and even public policy can inadvertently contribute to a more isolated population. Long working hours, transient living situations, and communities built without social interaction in mind all play a role.
By widening the lens, Borkataki makes it clear that combating loneliness requires both individual effort and systemic change. The book calls on leaders, educators, and policymakers to think beyond economic productivity and to create environments where human connection is prioritised.
A Call for Intentional Choices
The subtitle, How Our Choices Make Us Lonely, is not just a statement—it’s an invitation. Throughout the book, the author challenges readers to examine their daily decisions and ask, “Does this bring me closer to others or push me further away?”
She offers thoughtful suggestions for change, from small actions like initiating daily check-ins with loved ones, to bigger shifts like committing to community involvement. These aren’t framed as rigid rules but as possibilities—reminding us that connection is not accidental; it’s cultivated.
Why This Book Matters Now
In the wake of the global pandemic, conversations around mental health and isolation have become more urgent than ever. While loneliness has always existed, COVID-19 magnified it, forcing people into prolonged solitude and reshaping how they relate to others. This makes Loneliness: A Matter of Choice incredibly timely.
The book’s emphasis on personal responsibility without ignoring structural challenges offers a balanced, actionable framework. It doesn’t promise a “cure” for loneliness but equips readers with awareness and strategies to make different choices—ones that could lead to deeper, more fulfilling human connections.
Final Thoughts
Pingolika Borkataki’s Loneliness: A Matter of Choice is more than a book—it’s a conversation starter. It dares to tackle a topic that many shy away from, offering clarity without oversimplification and empathy without pity.
By framing loneliness as partly a matter of personal choice, the author empowers readers to take back control of their social and emotional lives. In doing so, she also challenges society at large to rethink how our collective decisions shape the way we live and relate to one another.
Whether you’re someone who feels the quiet ache of disconnection or simply curious about the hidden forces shaping our social lives, this book is worth your attention. It won’t give you a magic formula, but it will give you something more enduring: the understanding that every choice you make can either widen or close the gap between yourself and others.
